A couple tough days, A couple good days

That's the thing with Labyrinthitis, anxiety, and panic. Some days are great and some days are just really bad. This past week was really tough for me. I felt like I could barely get through a day of work, nevermind a week. I was feeling really depressed and the cold, rainy weather didn't help the situation. On Wednesday I found out that I made a mistake with someone's account (the 2nd one with the same customer, new system) and I really beat myself up about it all day. I am very aware now of how much I beat myself up about mistakes I make. I thought about that mistake for 2 whole days and told myself numerous times how stupid I was. I've done this most of my life and really taking a second look at how I treat myself. Really, doesn't everyone make mistakes? I just like to think I am the only person on this earth that never will and when I do there must be something wrong with me. I went to therapy on Thursday which was a great release for me. I really needed it this week. As the wedding nears, I think more about the people who were such a big part of my life that won't be there to see it happen. I know that I hold them close to my heart, but really I want them there to see me accomplish things in my life. I know that can't happen and so I need to find a way to move on from that. Friday was a bad day at work...I was so tired this past week. I have been losing my hearing for years now. I finally went and had a hearing test because it was to the point where I was avoiding people because I knew I wouldn't be able to hear them. Thanks to a fabulous social worker that I got in contact with, I will have hearing aids in August. I think that will take much of my stress and tiredness away. I work hard all day trying to hear people talk. I also miss out on so much and I know it holds me back. I am looking forward to the day when I don't have to ask "what?" "what?" "what?"
Today I wanted to leave the house to get something to eat but that just wasn't going to work for me so my mom walked with me and that was a relief. I did walk to acupuncture on my own but that wasn't far. The treatment was great! It is always so relaxing and it is my zen.